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July 22, 2008

Digital Epidural, Volume 9

By Michelle Boudreau at 06:00 PM| Permalink | Comments (1)

Lately, it takes me longer to get ready in the morning.

I used to be able to get up, jump in the shower, get ready and go. Now, I need a few minutes of sitting around in my bathroom coming up with various things to do that have nothing to do with getting ready. For example: counting the number of pairs of shoes I have . . . or trying to remember where each article of clothes in my closet was purchased . . . or playing another heart-wrenchingly frustrating round of brick breaker on my phone.

I'm not sure if this is related to being pregnant or not, but getting ready just takes longer. Mind you, I'm not getting up earlier, just getting to work later.

So, the other morning, during my "I don't feel like taking a shower yet, what should I do now" phase, I decided it would be a good idea to read my pregnancy book. (Aside: I have one book -- What to Expect When You're Expecting -- it's the only book I will be reading as I think our society has become set on freaking you out as much as possible while pregnant. But I digress, that's a rant for a different time.) I've read most (of what I'm interested in reading) up to the point that I'm at now, so I started skimming through it looking for something interesting. I ended up in the postpartum section.

Here's my advice if you're pregnant and haven't had a baby yet -- don't read this section. . . ever.

My face grew more and more horrified as the questions got more and more disgusting. To spare those weak in the stomach, I won't fill you in on what they were, but let's just say I was seriously considering whether I had to give birth or if I could just opt to keep the baby in my uterus permanently.

From now on, I'm going to stick to reading the pregnancy portion of the book. I don't even want to know what the delivery section entails.